“This is my territory dickhead”
“Ok boomer”
Add Sans, from Undertale. He can occasionally spawn inside a cave with his brother, both can become potential followers, and uses magic against zombies, as well as throwing bones. He could also sell hot dogs, and stack 30 upon your head for free, with a full inventory.
When you talk to him he could also occasionally say things like:
“Are you sick? You look like you’re coming down with a femur.”
“Have you met my sister, Ulna?”
“My father was a sternum man.”
“What’s the distance between a circle’s center and its edge? Its radius.”
“These zombies have a good set of mandibles on them.”
“What’s my favorite military formation? The phalanges.”
“I always see if the joint has any skullops.”
“If you get bored while doing something, it has probably become tibial for you.”
“I’ll always remember the first fish I caught. It was a huge carpal!”
“Doctors always need a scapula or two during their operations.”
When he has a quest for you:
“I kneed you to do something for me.”
When you refuse a quest:
“I thought you had a spine.”
After you’ve hit him accidentally:
“Hey! I’ve got a bone to pick with you!”
And when tell them to stop:
“Come on, I thought you had a sense of humerus. You can’t tell me that I’m not at least tickling your ribs.”
An amazing idea. As an addition, his brother might cook and sell spaghetti to the player.
NEW mutations that forms different types of growths off your body.
Such as:
Shriveled up arm that does nothing but get in your way.
Random ear, extra finger, toe.
A eye that you can’t see out of but seams to be observing it surroundings.
A mouth that says random incoherent things that tends to keep you awake at night, and disturb you with the things its says.
Random lumps and tumours (pre-limb mutation?)
A huge head, that tends to tip over from side to side. (Intelligence increase not included)
A “phantom” limb, a strange sensation of a missing limb even though you have all limbs accounted for.
More chilling is the feeling of this limb actually being hit by things, as if it’s really there.
Delicious flesh, you are suddenly irresistibly tasty. A everything, zombies, humans and others know it. Prepare for the worst.
Enlarged “appendages”, boost to your moral (ego), not so much your clothes and comfort.
And potentially more useless and detrimental mutations to make your life more miserable (interesting).
5 Likes
With this mutation, we could become the abomination ourselves 
1 Like
That’s what I’m hoping for 
Removing mod support and making all mods official payed content that you have to download.
2 Likes
Why stop there? Go full on Cash-aclysm: Dark Pays Ahead with a premium subscription service that you have to purchase by the life. Every time you die you have to pay for another chance to play. Also, there are Book, Melee/Ranged weapon, and Mutagen/Purifier lootboxes.
There is a Free-To-Play version, but vanilla skill rust is always on, all your rolls are reduced by a random amount, and crafting and healing are real time, so you need to leave the game running for 7 hours to forge your new sword. It actually rolls success or failure at the beginning of the craft and just makes you wait that long to see what you got. Or you can use 5 Dark Days Diamonds to succeed the craft instantly. For a limited time only, you can buy 100 Dark Days Diamonds for only $4.99 and get 20 extra free.
And don’t even think about trying to set your clock forward because if the game detects a disparity between a server’s clock and your device’s clock, it either instantly kills your character on loading or takes the absolute value of the difference between the two clocks and adds it to the time remaining on the craft, whichever one is more cruel. What’s that? Time Zones? Daylight Savings? Not our problem, we’re sure you’ll figure something out.
The game also won’t start without an internet connection so you can’t circumvent the server’s clock, and every build sees a unique hash on the server to make it harder to spoof. The game is, of course, entirely client-side, so the server doesn’t actually do anything except inconvenience non-premium players.
6 Likes
This topic is ‘We make TERRIBLE suggestions…’, not purely evil, mean, no good rotten ones. 
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Make the poor plant I’m “watering” with rotten juice, cider, milk and yogurt eventually evolve into something horrid and completely unrecognizable. And out for blood.
1 Like
Tamed crocodiles. I want my moat damnit!
Also this:
Also shallow and deep pits should turn into shallow and deep water tiles after it rains.
Also shallow and deep water tiles should actually have a limited amount of water in them. And freeze in winter. Have fun carving out an ice block and melting it for your water.
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Agreed those were actually painful to read… So wrong!
ANY trace of elf serum in your char’s system makes you food intolerant to everything but cookies, candy canes, milk & hot cocoa. The crafting system changes every recipe to produce various toys. 
5 Likes
I believe i already wrote this in part one. A LOT of this suggestions aren’t bad at all! Some are quite good in fact. Others would require some tweaking but are salvageable.
Not the “make Cataclysm pay-to-play” one tough. That one is truly TERRIBLE as it should be.
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How about a mutation called “Biggus Dickus”?
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I aim to please. Or in this case the exact opposite, I suppose.
Anyone who laughs at it will find themselves fighting wild, wabid animals within a week.
On topic: NPC spork faction and foon faction embroiled in a bitter war, complete with a semi-long questline where you can side with one or the other.
Make Mi-gos parrot the infamous Navy SEAL copypasta.
Make sand coarse, rough, and irritating, and make it get everywhere.
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Cave set pieces with a 1/500-1000 spawn chance:
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Batcave. Has a supercomputer and a high tech vehicle. Unfortunately, the supercomputer is off so you can’t activate the secret exit, which means if you want the car you have to take it up the normal cave entrance piece by piece. Hope your mechanics skill is high enough to put it back together afterward.
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Cave Johnson. Filled with turrets with a 50/50 chance of being active, and lemons that can be eaten normally or activated to start 3x3 fires several turns later. At the center of the cave is a single aperture_potato. There may or may not be a cake, but if there is it’s surrounded by portal traps with unusually high detect and disarm difficulties.
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A cave that’s empty of everything except two braziers with fires in them and an old man who says “It’s dangerous to go alone! Take this.”, then gives you a sword. Good find for early game characters still in need of a solid melee weapon.
5 Likes
inspired by Far Cry 2, make weapons has 10% chance to explode on player’s hand, damaging both hands and head and possibly blinds the player.
Add programming that locks the game down until you successfully pass a breathalyzer test (breathalyzer attachment sold separately). That way you don’t do something stupid or manage to kill off your character in an otherwise survivable situation.
…not that I did that recently. 
