We make bad suggestions and come up with horrible ideas

waaugh guns

I blame typo imps.

I’d be far more concerned about getting slapped in the face by a reanimated fleshy squishy smelly fat zombie corpse.

But ideally one would get a down-filled blanket golem to deal with.

golem made out of that vast hoard of gold bars you hoarded

Zombees.
Part of the Pundemic Resurrection DLC.

Palisades made out of wooden spikes attached to each other to place where zombies just run into them and take damage

The Scrub trait.
You’re generally bad at things. There’s a 10% chance that any action you do will fail in the worst possible way.
Wait for a few turns? Forget to breathe and pass out.
Walk? Go the wrong way and fall on your ass.
Run? Damage your legs.
Craft? Severed limbs.
Eat? Choke.

Quantum storage implant: Each one has 200 capacity and no weight limit. Spawns everywhere implants do.

Scrapper NPC that dismantles vehicles, including player ones.

Adding the LAZOR back to the flaming eye.

Social Justice Walkers. Invincible zombie that follows you around and constantly tells you how you’re offending it by killing other zombies, being alive, etc. Also attracts hordes in Dynamic Spawn with it’s incessant whining.

A shoggoth type blob monster that tracks the location of the player and his assumed base. The monster moves slowly but unwaiveringly towards the player and his possessions. No distance would be too great - the monster follows the player anywhere in the world. There would be no safe place. The monster is invulnerable. It would have the ability to penetrate or traverse any tile. Upon coming in contact with the player, the player would be pushed a few tiles away and 1-3 random items would drop from the inventory. There would be a slight chance that the player would be paralyzed, in which case, the player is picked up by the monster, and a journey would begin towards the player’s assumed base…

The monster’s mission? To consume and destroy the player’s accumulated loot. Item destruction preference would be emphasized on the rarity - rare items would be consumed or destroyed first. If a paralyzed player is brought to his base, he would be forced to witness the slow destruction of his material wealth. Also, while in proximity to the player, his skills and stats would be permanently decayed as well.

The monster would have a constant stealth field, rendering it intermittently visible only on a rare occasion. Its progress could be however seen as it destroys the environment, inching ever towards the player’s possessions. The player would also be able to vaguely know his distance to the monster - the monster would emit a song, a tune, as it would get closer to the player… “Every breath you taaaake. Every move you maaake…” Also, should a player have a radio turned on, that would start to play the song even earlier.

Fear the Stingoth.
Edit: or possibly The Blobice.

  • Introduce a disease that silently changes traits.

  • Burglar hobo NPCs. They break into your base while you’re away. They thrash the place around and try to steal any booze or narcotics you might have stashed there. Introduce a security index for player residences to determine the chance of break-ins… and their success rate. Could be countered with traps. Potentially discover dead hobo bodies and discharged traps upon returning home.

  • Critical firearm malfunction. The firearm explodes, destoying also each attachment with 90% probability (calculated separately for each one).

  • Player blackouts and gaps in memory. Player is transported at another location on random occasion, and time is advanced by a few hours. Player’s actions are simulated (invisibly in the background) over this period, and it is possible that the player could die or get injured during this phase.

  • NPC ethnicities, nationalities and racism. Introduce racial or national likes and dislikes as traits.

  • Necrophiliac trait. Constant +50 morale bonus. Costs nothing to pick… or actually provides bonus character points.

  • A ghillie suit made out of vibrators and dildos instead of threads.

  • Pop-up screens that include sex education or drug info. Cannot by closed by clicking but instead they are on a 10-20 second timer.

  • In-game spam, delivered straight to the player’s PDA or tablet.

  • Impenetrable server farms as locations. They push out all the spam mail. Could be destroyed by nukes only. As long as one farm stands, the spam continues. Of course there’s an endless amount of every building…

  • Taking care of a pet for one year as part of a quest. The pet is programmed to get terminally ill around month 6, dying on month 11, making this quest impossible to complete. The pet AI tries to determine the player’s playstyle, attempting to mimic it or conform to it, in all its glory or terror, in attempt to get the player to attach to the pet no matter what his playstyle is.

What if you playstyle involves killing every animal you come accross?

Then the quest is failed faster or not received at all, depending at which point the quest animal is seen by the player. Hopefully though the player feels very conflicted - on one hand he might feel OCD about completing quests, but on the other hand there’s a filthy animal to kill right there… And he could think he’s able to kill it afterwards! Besides, a player who is compelled or sworn to kill all animals wouldn’t (easily) agree to protect one in the first place.

A more compelling debate would be that if by protecting a single cat/dog, the player is promised to be lead to a pack of 100 cats/dogs for him to kill freely. Would he then agree to protect one cat/dog? Of course the cat/dog is destined to die of sickness no matter what, much to the player’s delight, but he can’t know that beforehand.

Edit: Oh, I completely missed the point. Yes… yes… So we assume the player spares this particular animal. The question becomes whether the animal is aware, or becomes aware, that it is an animal. Also, will it have the (artificial) intelligence or resilience to be self-destructive. Would it jump into lava or walk into a landmine in attempt to kill itself, the disgusting animal that it knows it is, the ones that the master likes to kill? Or would it just try to bite itself in an unending loop, halting the quest? Perhaps the animal would die or pass out of starvation is it would exhaust itself attacking itself. Also we might have to consider the animal’s ability to dodge its own attacks.

You pickup toilet paper (50)

*no itchy butt for a week

Mad scientist NPC:He will do anything for science.Even if that would result in his death (probably by the hand of angry survivor who was attacked by him).

Something like this actually happened once. We had a bug during one experimental where players had an unreported tentacle hands mutation. Most only found they were unable to wear gloves for no reason. I found this out while my character was tripping on shrooms. I thought it was a feature.

Something like this actually happened once. We had a bug during one experimental where Characters had an unreported tentacle hands mutation. Most only found they were unable to wear gloves for no reason. I found this out while my character was tripping on shrooms. I thought it was a feature.[/quote]
F.T.F.Y. as we do not want to give the impression that players are required to report their mutations. Although, once the international mutation database is finished, the game should probably reference the player and increase the odds of their proxy developing into something familiar.

Holy fucking hell RAM don’t make me laugh that hard it’s three in the morning XD

Like, seriously, I want this in my sig but it’s too big to tl;dr without losing it’s hilarity value. Well played, you.

Add a debug command for naming monsters, in the same way the zombie mom and other quests assign a name to a monster.

So that every time I encounter a hostile turret booping at me due to lack of ammo, I can name it Gustav.

Zombie turrets.

And with them locking down an area, none shall pass.