Epitaph to an NPC

Here lies Darius Knapp

Torn to pieces by a wolf who jumped over a guard rail at the apartment complex.

I came out of the building to see it nomming your throat.

??? - Spring, day 4

Here lies (some of) Shane Milton,

Devoured by the ever-hungry @,

He was delicious.

Summer, Day 64

Here lies a guy whose name i didn’t bother memorising.
Suddenly died for no apparent reason.
Your meat shall give me sustenance.
Spring day 3

Here lies Gertha Gunn,

Yet another asshole.

Your shotgun is no match for my RV.

Year 1, Day 62 of Spring.

Here lies Comrade Garry

He died from trying to eat a lighter.

Thank you for teaching me all your overpowered skills.
You will be missed.

Winter, Day 277

Here lies Faustino Kelley

He died as he lived, surrounded by zombies

Here lies John Doe, the refugee center trader.

Due to the peculiar map generation, a quarter of the building lacked walls, exposing John’s booth corner to a large swamp and its inhabitants. John fought bravely, killing several creatures until he finally succumbed to a wolf, of all things. You fought well, John. You fought well.

Here lies John Doe, a bandit.

Killed with a gun and ammo that was looted from his own encampment by a desperate but slick survivor.

Here lies John Doe, a biker infiltrator.

Killed by his provocable temper. His .22cal semi-auto peashooter and “comical ball” ammo were no match to a .45cal burst from a Vector SMG.

Here lies John Doe, the ranch foreman.

Killed by the choices he made regarding the location of the ranch, which resided almost next to a slime pit. John killed many slimes but not enough.

Here lies Jane Doe, and her two friends. All bandits.

Killed by a swarm of pissed off ants that were lured to their direction by a survivor with a noisy modified RV, decorated with some ant guts moments prior.

Alphai, Female NPC type, you survived so long before we met, but you had a flamethrower, you burnt down everything you saw.

You were always talking about seeing the stars and bars flying proud again, but it was clear to you the zombie threat, the squirrels and zombies alike you lit ablaze more than the flag ever did in any hippie rally in history. The abandoned cars, the (figuratively) empty houses, the storefronts and streets.

You ran so fast I never caught up, but I saw where you went, but the pools of burning fuel, the zombie corpses, the collapsing homes and exploded cars in the street. The flames that consumed you, may as well have been mine, if I had the fearless contempt for fire like you did. Walk through the fire you did, Alphai.

Godspeed you, Alphai, may you explode and burn down the very walls of hell like you burned down my starting base and all the buildings, cars, zombies, nearby.

Here lies John Doe, a NPC slave fighter

He attacked me with his bare hands when I got too close to his stash in the middle of the swamp. His stash consisted of a pack of cigarrettes and a pair of sunglasses. Six shots from my USP .45 later and he was no more.

Here lies Some Guy,

Your rudeness exceeded your weapons
and the only reason I’m prolly bothering
to write this is cuz I’m on drugs.

Here lies TonZa,

Seen a bunch of other gals named TonZa but never one like you
You ran at me from who knows how many yards away just to wave a flamethrower in my face while shouting at me to keep my distance
Talked you down and made you a follower
Did your damn fetch quest
Watched helplessly as you started looting random crap you’ll never use, wasting all the volume you can carry
Watched helplessly as you suicidally charged at a Zombie Horde without using Hit and Run tactics before going apeshit with the flamethrower, burning down an entire building and then yourself

Didn’t even last more than a couple of days.

Here likes Jo…

that’s all I heard before you leaped in front of my Humvee going 100mph.
You had some good stuff, sorry I crushed half of it.


   Here lies Ginger Kerns

Got out of the truck. There were zombies.

Here lies Jef Major.

I know you used to be a janitor.
But maybe you shouldn’t have tried to fight a zombie hulk with a mop

2010 - Winter, day 48

[center]Here lies [Name Forgotten]

He was an idiot who tried to mug me, a quarterstaff-wielding two-week survivor, with his bare hands

He has earned a Darwin Award honorable mention, not in the sense that he did not die but because that isn’t over-the-top enough for an actual Award

He will not be missed

He had a cool cowboy hat though, I cut that up for scrap one time when I needed leather and didn’t wanna go outside

??? - Early spring, 2051[/center]

Here lies John Doe

Kill by me, wielding a Ruger 10/22

You were good target practice.

Spring, Day 4

Here lies John Doe

Your ideas were not impressive
One could say they were most repressive
So you took out your gun
I did what needed to be done
But I must admit that it was atleast a bit of fun

Here lies Gurg Hackpof

Was in the passanger seat while I reverse rammed turrets with a cube van.
I missed one, and as the side door passed the turret he bravely took the brunt of the automatic weapons fire instead of me.
I will rename the cop car in his honor. And use his backpack and baseball bat in memorium.

Spring, Day 2

Here Lies @$$Holio,

Stole a police car at night without lights and just as dawn eclipsed, drove into a police barricade with turrets…catching a full clip to the face through the wind shield lol XD

Here lies starting NPC (forgot name)

Devoured by zombies.

Spring, day 1-4.