This thread is making me feel proud about the state of my room. It might be covered in dust but there’s nothing rotting in there.
Ahhh, the joys of sharehouse living.
ALRIGHT, Now that I have time, I’ll relate to you the story of my uncle’s Pruno.
So, it starts as these stories usually do, my uncle finds out that convicts like to brew their own alcohol and decides “Hey, I can do that, it’s probably cheaper than beer too!” So he decides to get some large jars and start making pruno in them (amongst other types of moonshine, as we later found out). These jars are pretty huge, something like 10 litres for some of them, and he’s chucked all of the fruit he can find into them, along with some bread for yeast, now here’s where it gets interesting, see, some of the jars have no lids and my uncle is a dipshit who things that wooden boards will keep it sealed well enough; Well apparently it didn’t, because rats got into the mix somewhat late into the fermentation, and my uncle has forgotten all about his side project, the jars have been lost in the back of the shed next to a few boxes of fireworks.
The fun part comes a month or so later from his estimated start date. All the family was hanging around his place for some kind of get together, it’s around the middle of January, sweltering hot here in Australia and suddenly we hear some popping coming from the yard, at first, we brush it off as nothing and carry on. Well, the popping got louder and more frequent, and just as we decide to go outside to investigate we hear what sounded like a cannon going off! My uncle’s shed is GONE. Wiped off the face of the earth, the fireworks had ignited and all gone off, which wouldn’t be so bad except for the fact that there was some 50 odd litres of pruno in the shed. Now, pruno isn’t great in the best of conditions, but this stuff was over aged, poorly sealed, and had a bunch of dead animals in it from early in the fermentation. The walls of the house, hell, the walls of the NEIGHBOURS house have been painted with this lovely sludge made from a mix of rotten fruit and dead animals in various states of decomposition, the smell is atrocious, you could smell it from the end of the street, for that matter you could smell it from the end of the next street over. Cops got called in, my uncle gets arrested for some form of criminal negligence along with possession of illegal fireworks.
The smell lasted for a few months, it was pretty fucking awful. We pretty much cut ties with him immediately after that incident, but the memory remains of those raining rat chunks and multicoloured globs of rot.
It’s like a garbage piñata!
[quote=“Pthalocy, post:15, topic:4740”]This makes me feel better about all those potatoes that went missing at my workplace. Well, not so much missing as a former coworker silently protested by launching potatos up into this crawlspace nobody can clean.
They’re still up there. Probably like thirty of 'em. I haven’t told anyone, because I don’t want to get stuck with fixing it somehow. It’s not safe up there. So I’m hoping they sprout like the last surprise vegetables that got lost in weird places in our department.[/quote]
Potatoes are pretty good about just putting out runners until they get too dry, then mummifying, well if the environment is dry anyway. If it’s damp they turn into a horrific maggot infested sludge.
Speaking of, I’m lucky enough not to have encountered any of these situations in a kitchen, I think partially due to peeking in the barrel my uncle used to store cleaned up chicken waste from his coop, it was a rotten mess of chicken poop, but not too awful until my eyes adjusted to the darkness and I realized the surface of it was continuously moving. That freaked me out enough to make damn sure I never saw anything like that near my food.
Mmm, wiggly.
Yeah, we’ve had boxes come in of new produce with a few bad ones tucked in. Dry potatos are hamless when old, they turn into wrinkly little grandpa tatos. Wet potatos? Only slightly less offensive than rotting onion.
Your coop box sounds like our trash compactor! …maybe with extra maggots. Most of ours hatch into flies so fast it’s just a fly cloud instead.
You’ve heard the saying ‘bad apples’ and how it spoils the bunch? It’s not as true as it used to be, due to storage and preservation methods, but you do see it moreso with the organic ones that don’t have the subtle wax coating. You wanna know how a particular fruit rots, you just ask and if we sell it, I guarantee I can tell you.
I once left a vodka bottle full of cigarette butts and window cleaner liquid. Sealed.
That was two years ago.
I opened it week earlier.
By now it’s the best alcohol drink I’ve tried in my life.
D:l
I remember living in a house that was basically insect heaven. One night I was eating some quick ramen and realized that the small black bits in it were not flavoring, they were moth pieces. Hundreds of moth pieces.
We seal everything in the pantry now.
I can’t imaging the screaming and the tooth brushing that ensued.
[quote=“kilozombie, post:29, topic:4740”]I remember living in a house that was basically insect heaven. One night I was eating some quick ramen and realized that the small black bits in it were not flavoring, they were moth pieces. Hundreds of moth pieces.
We seal everything in the pantry now.[/quote]
Why would you seal off some additional protein? It’s illogical.
One time I had decided to see if maybe I could grow some foliage around the desolate area around my house near Toronto. Some pansies and potatoes and tomatoes. Turns out the if you ever leave a picked tomato outside it will attract raccoons.
Raccoons with diseases and stuff.
Shortly after the raccoon finished its meal of my tomato I finally shot the thing, only it flailed about with drool all over itself. So I locked my dogs and cats inside and left that shit alone.
Turns out dead raccoons attract coyotes.
So a coyote is eating this five day old raccoon in my yard, so I shoot it to not have rabies spreading. I left that corpse there as I had to attend to a cat who had decided jumping into a boiling pot was a great idea.
Apparently once you leave two corpses in a pile it becomes acceptable for neighborhood kids too throw rotten food on the pile. Damn kids. So I had this three foot hight pile of rotten organic mass. I swear the entire thing was about to mutate and come alive. So I burned it.
I had been written three fines in one day. For the smell. Great god.
coyotes
The only thing that can eat your shit here in Moscow is a wandering dog. Pack of them. Huge pack of feral dogs that once killed a horse, I saw that with my eyes and now I prefer to keep my shotgun close.
Trusty lives in Russia?
Prepare the Russian jokes.
russian jokes
I prefer jew, gypsy and nazi jokes since I am half-jewish half-gypsy half-german.
Makes it better.
[quote=“trusty_patches, post:35, topic:4740”]> russian jokes
I prefer jew, gypsy and nazi jokes since I am half-jewish half-gypsy half-german.[/quote]
So a man rides his horse to the drugstore on his horse. He leaves it outside and goes inside the drugstore. He puts a bottle of horse pills on the counter. “These are for my wife.” the man says. The clerk says “You mean you married your horse?!” and he points to the horse outside. The man responds: “A horse? How dare you! I’ll have you know that is my mother in law out there!”
I actually expected a joke about the RV, dogs, huge diamond, boxing, being unkillable bastard and having gitlerjugend haircut.
But that’ll do.
[quote=“trusty_patches, post:35, topic:4740”]> russian jokes
I prefer jew, gypsy and nazi jokes since I am half-jewish half-gypsy half-german.[/quote]
So if you’re some form of multi-ethnic German, why are you in Russia? Couldn’t resist your people’s rich history of trying to invade the place?
I’m basically standard Soviet gene mixup since most of my realtives are russians/ex-ussr’s, so being in Russia is slightly more logical for me than being in Germany.