“Is it just me, or did that two story tall chicken walker just climb through that house’s window?”
“It could just be me, but ever since the cataclysm happened a bunch of stuff has just seemed to suddenly be off-scale. You see that too, right?”
“I have seen guy with a dog, he walked to an cafe… I wondering where he is now.”
“Met a guy named Kevin. Bearded fellow. Seemed nice enough until his legion of computer controlled robots went crazy and killed both he and a few of his companions. Damn shame too…could always use a good computer person in those Labs.”
“I was happy to collect and hoard all those Toastems. But after 12 boxes. I heaved like a fire hose and…probably should eat them in moderation.”
You see a strangely fancy sign sitting just outside a heavily fortified survivor base. It reads:
“It is to be known that from here forth all survivors will measure in Kevins. Those who disobey this law of the land will be dubbed heretics and must be purged.”
(I actually made up the measurement of ‘kevins’ at least a year before I knew CDDA existed)
torn from the journal of Prudence M. Carper, survivor aged 23
"Do you ever think about cauliflower? I do. It’s been . . . jesus. It’s been three years since I’ve had a piece of cauliflower.
I find corn. I find beans. I find meat that forms to the shape of the can around it, but cauliflower? When’s the last time you had cauliflower?
It’s funny, right, the things that you miss? I don’t miss people at all. I haven’t even seen another living human in years, and I almost never think about them.
But cauliflower? A hot shower? Fucking tampons?
And that’s my point. You wouldn’t think that such simple things, that were so readily available, would be what I agonize over. The things I long for are not the touch of another human, or for civilization to return, or for my mother to still be alive, or my dog, or my girlfriend. No.
“Cataclysm’s crazier than I thought. Guess it really does mess with people, the end of the world that is. Just 5 minutes ago I got a random stranger run up to me and ask for an inhaler, afterwards he ran head first into a zombie horde before I could even reply. Maybe i’m just going nuts too.”
Littered around this sign are skulls of humans, mutants, and monsters. The message seems to be written in blood
“Feel tree to claim this base as your own. I wouldn’t mind adding a few skulls to the pile.”
this sign is poorly made and hardly legible
“Plez com in humn. Much food fer donat! Nutz a trop. Veree nise place!”
“Wind power is a THING now! An actual thing! Glorious!”
“If you don’t feel like getting up in the morning. Here’s your daily reminder: Cocaine is a hell of a drug.”
“Yesterday i looted all the lab, i drinkt some ugly liquid. I’m sunken … i only had plants, only the fools and the weak eat trees, i needed flesh. was just a bite, i feel sick”
“Fuck, that’s hair is growing everywhere, and the mutagen that i made from the book only made them more hard to cut, i can see the skin under the hair is becoming black and tough”
"electrothing work i ned mecha thing now. Bangbox work well. tHE BEAR WOMAN IS NICE, I CAN SMELL IR
is hard to read, when i was cub was esy now a mess. Im hungry"
Measuring in kevins, eh? Is that like measuring in Smoots, or is it more abstract?
You see an additional smaller sign next to the original with a similar fancy design
“For those who do not know the wisdom of the great measurements of kevin, fear not! It is not your fault that you were not gifted such knowledge. It is simple, to measure in kevins just replace the word ‘meter’ with the word kevin.”
Ingraved on this fork is a small neat message
“May the fork be with you.”
So roughly 1.7 Smoots to a Kevin, then.
“Found this guys note…I agree…only I had too many cans of Beans…dear lord >_<”
In my life and in regard to she people interactions. I have been told a few times to go Fork myself. On careful contemplation for scientific personal research, regarding thresholds of pain. I made an attempt on a fleshy bit of upper thigh.
In conclusion to my experiment. I found that it A) hurts like hell and B) made me think the tingly pin like sensation made by the sharp object protruding my leg “WOW! What a PRICK!”…or in layman…OUCH!
(joking, don’t stab yourself people! lol)
A note to make my humor more official:
“People still do stupid $h!t all the time…human nature I guess”
“Don’t use the glowing red claw.Don’t use the glowing red claw.Don’t use the glowing red claw.Don’t use the glowing red claw.Don’t use the glowing red claw.Don’t use the glowing red claw.Don’t use the glowing red claw.Don’t use the glowing red claw.Don’t use the glowing red claw.Don’t use the glowing red claw.Don’t use the glowing red claw.WhyIUSEDTHEDFREAKINGREDCLAW!”
“Don’t befriend dog mutated people. They howl. A lot. At Night. I miss sleeping…”
“IOU one roll of toiletpaper. Hope you don’t need to use this bathroom.”
–note found in bathroom of a house.
“Regular bullets don’t work too well on some of the horrible critters running around, but fire and explosives most certainly do. When in doubt: Frag Out!”
Get some ear plugs and sleep all you like.