Npc derp moments

Share your derp npc moments here!

I met a nice npc at the evac shelter and somehow convinced him to join me with 0 speaking skill. He had a glock 17 so I told him to not use it. When I brought him along to train unarmed combat to level 2 against dogs and rats, he took off his motorcycle helmet and started whacking them with it. Because he had poor armour, a dog caught him in the leg and he started bleeding. Later, a coyote caught him in the arm and started bleeding there too. At this point he was a bloody wreck. Finally, he realized how stupid he was and put back on his motorcycle helmet… to take out his glock 17 and start pistol whipping a zombie soldier on the outskirts of town. I tried to give him a two by four but he said a glock 17 is 10x better than a two by four. Yes it is, but not in melee! I did not tell him to shoot because he would have attracted a hundred zombies from the inside of the town. While I tried to tear apart some socks and instead started butchering a human corpse because I only had a sharp rock, by some ungodly miracle, he died. Thanks for the lighter! And this, my friends, is natural selection at its finest.

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Had a base in a public works building, I had not got around to barricading the doors and windows. One night while sleeping a zambie broke in, it was quickly dispatched by one of my npcs on guard with a shotgun. Wake up loot the corpse and notice my nearby pile of books was gone. The Npc blasted the zom and my books. Never again do they get guns even when on guard duty.

Had a wandering NPC ask me to find an inhaler for him, after accepting he immediately charged at a turret road block (thankfully depleted by the DOZEN OR SO ZEDS SURROUNDING IT), started fighting the zombies, lived, then started fighting the turret and it predictably exploded, damaging both him and myself nearby. Ow, you bastard. Then he immediately set off again on his death march, at which point I gave up trying to keep him alive long enough for me to find an inhaler. Some time later I get the “Mission failed” message because, wow, guess what, charging into groups of zombies in the middle of town without any decent gear is a good way to get yourself killed.

Funnily enough I had that exact same npc except he had a gun… I watched him get surrounded by about… 50 zed, then he took out about 20 of them, I got the rest with my nodachi after the npc got deaded.

Really weird seeing an asthmatic man running so fast xD

A NPC tried to mug me when I had full heavy power armor and a laser rifle.

It didn’t end well for him.

I can imagine how it went down. Something like he throws a rock at you and you vaporize him with your laser gun.

I waited from him to use up all his ammo and then I just laughed as I vaporized him.

An NPC looted my shopping cart and was escaping. I intercepted them and stood in th way. I began stealing everything back. The NPC was cursing profusingly but didn’t notice the thievery. I then stole their crackers and ate and smoked their cigaret.

Finally they found out. We thne locked in a brawl and they died.

My friends constantly jump out of moving vehicles, sometimes to attack a zed, sometimes for no reason in particular. I don’t suppose there’s a way to ask them not to do that?

-Going well over 100mph over the speed limit
-“Fucker, I want to talk!”
-NPC comes out of forest, wielding a bat
-200 ton death bus
-“Drop the weapon, fucker!”
-Is in front of 200mph death bus
-(NPC name here) Becomes hostile!
-Proceedes to make NPC a nice, fine red paste on the road
-You hear a deafening explosion!
-Wait, what?
-Would you like to see your death?
-Wait… What.
-Deathbus proceeds down the road 150+ as a burning land torpedo
-Crashes into a factory and collapses the whole thing

Turns out the fucker had some C4 on him and it exploded under my gas tanks. RIP Butters.

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    I was transporting a new addition to my npc safe haven when something odd happened: So, I have to cut through an infested town to get to one of my supply areas, which is no problem considering that my post-human, bionic god, of a character can quickly dispatch of any zombies in sight. This is made easier as I was driving my death mobile with mounted laser rifles (<-- Rediculously OP by the way). The only issue with this scenario is that 1: npcs are not the best fighters, and 2: npcs don't like to be in vehicles without following you. So naturally, when I decide to pulp the group of dead zombies that my turret had just mowed down I told my npc follower to stay put. I told them not to fight things and not to pulp dead zombies, as we were still in the middle of an infested town. 
    I would like to quickly say that, due to the powerful nature of the mounted laser rifle, a circle of safety is created, that no zombie can pass (including multiple hulks), around the vehicle. If my npc were to exit this perimeter, he would no longer be safe and would most likely die. With all this being said, the situation seems under control, right? Well... that is what I thought to be the case when I stopped the vehicle to pulp a large group of corpses. As it turns out, when set to stay put (which is guard mode), my npc decided to ignore my previous rules and set out to pulp zombies himself. Usually, to avoid getting him killed, I would be able to just yell at him and tell him to follow me, but I was taking a massive amount of turns pulping a group of corpses on a single tile (including a hulk). 
    Thus, I was unable to quell the burning sensation of smashing that my follower had as he repeatedly fractured his fists by pounding away at the front interior of my vehicle. He did not once stop to think that maybe he could exit by opening the car door a single tile away. And in a split second of complete helplessness, as my ears were raped by the sound of "From the north east you hear 'CRASH'!" x200, I realized that this unstoppable rage, this burning passion for smashing, this somehow unharmed human, had torn through the tile my mounted laser rifle stood on and in the process, destroyed it. After a few seconds of figuring out what the fuck happened I realized that this man was not fit to join my efforts, and after what he had done I decided that a fitting punishment was in order.
    So I swiftly pushed him out of the car and let him run wild, most likely happier than a survivor on meth and toast'ems as he smashed away at the rest of the corpses, blood painting the ground as well as the contorted smile I imagine him wearing. I did not hesitate as I quickly drove away, but not before honking the horn several times.

All in all it was an interesting experience, but I am still bummed about the loss of my annoying-to-get laser rifle.

You can talk to them with C, go into a: Combat commands, then a: Change your engagement rules.
Several options here will prevent any given NPC from jumping out of a moving vehicle for no good reason.
I tend to go with d: Attack only enemies you can reach without moving.

NPC: "Hey! This is my territory! Get out or I’l kill you!"
Me: "What? I’ve been living here for about a season and you suddenly come up and say it’s yours?"
I then proceeded to punching him to a gory paste with my bare hands because muai tai with high strength is OP. After that I started a fire off some left over rotten spider corpses and had a tasty snack. Mmmm, people.

NPC: "Drop your weapon! Or I’l kill you!"
Me: “Um, I have a big damaging wood axe and you have a little spear. Are you sure that is a good idea?”

I’d personally just debug spawn another laser turret, it wasn’t your fault that NPC’s have the common sense of a brick.

It’d be a different story if, say, you went into a horde and your car got surrounded and bashed.

You know what this reminds me of?
This npc is a reincarnation of this guy.

[quote=“hdggDalton, post:15, topic:14409”]You know what this reminds me of?
This npc is a reincarnation of this guy.

lol, he told me that I was already dead while I was driving away.