On a routine scouting, I was just killing some monsters like it ain’t no thang (I have pretty good archery skill), when suddenly, on my way back home, out of nowhere, I started hallucinating. “Okay,” I think. “The flaming eye got me. I’ll take some sleeping pills and lie down.” I get back to my base and go to sleep. Next thing I know, my arms rip open and fungal spores shoot everywhere.
Damn fungus spore infection!
I panic and start drinking all the chemicals I’ve saved up in order to get rid of it. I figure a purifier might get rid of it, but I don’t want to waste them, so I drink a mutagen first. I mutate and grow a tiger tail and horns. Then I drink a purifier and lose the tail… and not too long afterwards, another round of spores shoot out of my arms, breaking both of them.
Finally, I look on the wiki and figure out that I need to eat some royal jelly, but I haven’t even seen any giant bees yet in this world, so I do the logical thing and hop on my electric motorcycle and drive at 100 miles per hour across an open field at midnight toward unexplored territory. Suddenly, at the edge of the unexplored territory, I crash through the window of a mansion, collide with the wall, and get thrown off my bike into a swimming pool filled with zombies! I panic and run down a hallway into one of the back rooms – bad idea. While I’m picking glass out of my face, the zombies break down the door and start pouring into the room… and there’s no other exit other than the way I came in.
I’m in massive amounts of pain, my arms are broken, and I’m surrounded by zombies. I start smashing my way through that horde of zombies with an aluminum baseball bat, and, by some miracle, I manage to make it through the horde, run back to my motorcycle, and throw it into reverse, backing over half a dozen zeds in the process.
After I get out of the mansion, I decide, “Fuck it, I’m dead anyway,” so I head to a nearby crater, get off my motorbike, walk up to the edge of it, and hope the radiation kills me quickly. But it turns out it wasn’t a nuclear bomb crater. It wasn’t radioactive. And then… the damnedest thing happened. It started getting light. The sun was rising.
I decided that there was still hope.
I got back on my motorcycle, drove off into some different woods, and found a science lab. I kicked down the doors, recklessly searched through every room – and I finally found some royal jelly. I was healed! My arms were still broken, though, so I had to run away from all the zombies I had unleashed. But I made it, and that’s what counts. So that’s where my story ends for now: me with two broken arms but a fungus-free body.
I miss that tiger tail, though.
