Stories that are funnier without context

[Tee]

As my first topic here, after deciding to finally become part of the community after playing Cataclysm for a few months, I want to know something.
What’s the funniest thing that’s ever happened to you during you adventures of Cata? I find that stories are a lot better without any sort of context.

About a week ago, I found myself stark naked in the woods, firing M79 LAWs, of which I had a large bag full, at a bear, a cougar, and a hulk. While riding a bicycle. High on cocaine and oxycodine. All while bleeding profusely all over everything and vomiting.

All I could think was My last thought before the bear knocked me off my bike was ‘I am God. Bow to me, mortals’

[Accursed91]

Laughs Like a boss god boss god! ^^

A few nights ago i was being chased through a burning library by both a horde of zombies and a horde of giant ants. I am not sure why they only focused on me, but i think the ants were a little angry at me for burning their queen alive. I smashed through a window, ran through a furnitire store that was also on fire, before i managed to loose the horde(s) in the (soon to be burning) forest.

Thought for the day: Is there truly such a thing as too much fire?

[jumjummju]

I remember my first story from Cataclysm was when I bludgeoned a cougar to death with a muffler, right outta the gate. Not exactly impressive or funny, but it was my first kill, and the whole “literally EVERYTHING is a weapon” mechanic fascinated me.

A more recent one was emptying two clips into a jabberwock with a UMP, before getting knocked down and bludgeoning it’s face in with a crowbar, all while still lying on the ground with it beating me into the pavement. Somehow, I won.

[Blaze1711]

I once had an infected wound and no possibility of being healed due to the fact that i was hidden in a bathroom and surrounded by all kinds of zombies that were trying to “gently” open the door to my hideout. My last moves were: get really high with crack, cocaine and marijuanas, open the door, pull out my unpacked LAW and blowing myself up while taking down the whole house and every zombie that chased me through it. I think i survived the explosion but the debris that fell right into my head must have shattered my skull.

[HeadWar]

Spent an entire day driving in the rain, with my unmuffled V8 roaring. I have never seen so much roadkill before.

[system]

You never know what will strike you.
Also, I don’t recommend to chop down trees and make them fall on your head. There are some unforeseen conseuences. Like, remaining intact, missing one log, and then in 5 turns or so gettin’ pulped to death by something that look’d like a flatbed truck.

[rilo12]

Got a mininuke throwed at me by a NPC killed every zombie and allowed me to make a base in a town.

[The_Slime]

Starving the fuck to dead, I dragged home the meat from a rather ballsy coyote and threw it in the wood furnace along with some 2x4s for fuel. An ingame hour later the meat was nowhere to be seen. Like, THE FURNACE STOLE MY DINNER.

Imma name that furnace ‘Meat Thief’.

EDIT: Remembering that intuition isn’t worth shit in ASCII games, I found ‘cooked meat’ as a crafting recipe 5 real minutes later…time to go shotgun hunting!