Hi, Badger, welcome to the game! Glad to have you aboard and glad that you already care enough about the game to want it to be better by adding your feedback. You are definitely right that the game play depends on your philosophy for the game, and striking a balance between fun and realism is hard. I think most of us could agree that pure realism, like if we were in that situation, would be pretty awful and we would rather be playing video games than struggling to survive.
Luckily, there are a lot of things you can do to adjust the game to your playstyle. Survivor armor, scifi equipment, and mutagens are all blacklistable during world creation, as are most types of creatures. If you decide you don’t want fungal monsters or only want classic Romero-ish zombies, those are selectable. They are even addable after you start the game by editing the .json file, though you may have to move to a different area or kill the ones that have already spawned.
Melee can be pretty powerful, but as it isn’t a competitive game, it is only as powerful as you let it be. I have made plenty of archer builds that have less melee than a six year old playing putt-putt, and I have made stealthy ninjas that consider it dishonorable to do anything less than face your enemy. This game is amazing because both are perfectly valid playstyles that you get to pick from. You will find the same is true for starting perks, like nightvision or packmule. You might find them inappropriate for your survivor, but they may be very useful if you are playing a skilled hunter or traveling salesman still trying to get rid of Tupperware even in the apoclypse.
The game is exceptionally good at providing perks with natural variance and then allowing for even better versions through advanced items and super science. If you find you prefer a more difficult experience, you can certainly up the spawn rates, start later in the year, or advance the rate at which the zombies evolve. You may find yourself playing a character that never gets beyond wearing a leather touring outfit, giving you whole body leather armor, and that can make for a really exciting playthrough. If you check YouTube, for a while there was quite a lot of fun to be had by spawning into the forest and running around naked. It’s really challenging to work your way up, and all those monsters that seemed so easy to take care of via melee or to protect yourself from with armor are entirely new and frightening when you’re naked and wielding a stout branch.
Vehicles are not a particularly optional mechanic, unless you really have your lust on for a hard mode, but they don’t have to be converted and armored RVs. You can have a lot of fun with a folding bicycle, a backpack, and a desire to tour the countryside grazing from town to town. If you are playing with NPCs on, you may even find yourself involved in quests. Gasoline does seem pretty plentiful, but maybe that means you would prefer a diesel vehicle. You will find fuel less frequently, but it is fairly efficient. You could even mark your map that there is a cache of fuel there and bypass it. Days later, when you’re out of fuel, now you have a good reason to make your way back there.
In a freeform game like this, being able to choose your playstyle and goals is of paramount importance. Luckily, this game is pretty friendly to mod and it does a great job of allowing for multiple playstyles. Take some time and try different starts and different builds and you may find what you are hoping for. It might not feel too bad to be a melee master when you start out in a cold, dark prison full of zombies and sentry-bots bent on keeping you from escaping.