So, you kiddies want to hear a story? Well I’ll tell you a story. Have a seat, and I’ll tell you about the tale. About how I lost something very precious to me.
…My top hat.
It was a lovely day in my little home I suppose I called a base. I had many guns, food, and useful devices, but the one thing I held most dear to me was my beloved top hat. I don’t know why… just the stylish factor of it, and how it went so well with my tuxedo. I loved my top hat. I loved it so much.
I had plans to go and loot one of the nearby houses, but it was dangerous. Although I loved my top hat so, I couldn’t risk it getting ripped or torn, so I thought: “Leave it on the bed.”
Leave it on the bed, I said. It’ll be fine, I said.
Replacing my top hat for an army helmet temporarily, or so I thought, I left my home and went looting. Everything went well; got a bunch of guns, and I ran back to my home, ready to greet my top hat.
“Honey, I’m hom… h-huh?!”
In horror, my top hat wasn’t on the bed where I’d left it. I searched high, I searched low, I searched the countless corpses on the streets - nothing. But then I saw an NPC fleeing from my house in the distance. He had my top hat. And I wanted it back.
It had been a day without my top hat, and I was relentlessly chasing after the NPC who just refused to stop to feel the wrath of my freshly sharpened machete.
[b]“GIVE ME MY F*CKING TOP HAT BACK!!! I’LL RIP OUT YOUR GUTS! I’LL CHOP OFF YOUR-” [CENSORED]
I don’t know why the girl was running from me. I just wanted my top hat back, that’s all.
After what seemed like an endless chase, my luck finally kicked in when the lady who had stole my top hat encountered a moose, and I watched with glee as she was ripped to shreds by the horrible thing. She didn’t have a hope, especially seeing as she was trying to kill the moose with a frying pan. It wasn’t long before she fell dead to the ground, and from her backpack I saw it.
[i]“My top hat!”
I squealed with glee, but the moose interfered with my reunion. As I was chopping the moose to pieces, I literally cried as I saw another NPC approaching the pile of stuff the dead woman had dropped, including my top hat. Before I could react, the new NPC swooped in, took my top hat, and ran away.
[size=13pt]“YOU FUCKING PIECE OF-”[/size]
I ripped the head from the moose in rage, kicking its corpse a million meters into the distance, and I was so angry at the fleeing NPC that I didn’t even care anymore. I lit a Molotov, foaming at the mouth in rage, and hurled it at the fleeing NPC, giggling as he burnt into nothingness.
Then I realized my error.
[size=18pt]“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”[/size]
I was so bloodthirsty that I hadn’t realized I was also burning my beloved top hat alive along with the flesh of the thief. Sobbing at my murder and crime against fashionable clothing, I crawled to the blazing inferno. I could still see the outline of my top hat in there, burning. All I wanted was my top
hat, and soon it would be nothing.
I cried, cried more, and then I realized the one way to be with the top hat forever.
I dropped my machete, threw my army helmet aside, and stepped forth to the inferno. I took a deep breath, looking at the silhouette of my top hat, and then jumped into the raging fire to join it.
My whole body alight and undescribable pain searing throughout my body, I knew I was going to die. And I did. But in the end, at least I had burnt alongside my beloved top hat. The end.
[center][size=12pt]R.I.P. Jakers + His top hat 2015-2015[/size][/center]
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