So I decided that forget waiting for that silly update for the mongols ai fix and the whole ‘sudden’ EU4 retreat mechanics, I wanted to play this for again for quite awhile now. No, tbh, I wanted to play Rome Total Realism, I just absolutely do not have the time or ultimately the patience to complete a long campaign in that as a non-roman. Even as a roman I rushed the end of it by blatently overlooking settlements to take the last required settlement: Jerusalem. omg all of the cities and all of the stacks, and even small battles take like 30minutes. The larger ones are ironically quicker than some of the smaller ones and occassionally the ai bugs out and urrgh the ai was never fantastic to begin with.
I load up a charlemagne start, as the modest chief of Scavola. If you don’t know where that is its because its unimportant and tiny and in that start extra weak. I custom made a character and replaced the brother of the high chief of curonia who held my duchy which was adjacent. It put him into a position of power. If you still need help, imagne Lithuania. If you still need help imagining where, imagine the northernmost part of lithuania, nestled against kingdom of Finland and Empire of Rus.
With a whooping 331 troops, I began the game with zero power, zero ability to dow neighbors, and in fact one of the weakest powers in the game. Even the other chief in my duchy had 650 troops. Since I rolled a decent intrique character I began spying and rumor spreading and plotting, stressing out the high chief Penikis.
His stress ate him up and he died, leaving the other chief in charge. However, due to his sudden inheritence and his lazy, gluttenous nature he was disliked by most of his non-councilors. So we plotted. And he had no hier, making me next in line.
And he asked me very politely to stop. And I did. For 3 months.
And he asked me to stop agains. And I did. Until I got the rumors off on him and exposed his aldutressy ways. His wife and his concubine got pissed at him because I caught him sleeping around so much. He even tried to dip his toe into my courtiers.
His wife died in childbirth, giving him a son. Damn.
But, his new wife was an astounding spy. And he pissed her off by sleeping around. At that point she offered us 250% plot power in addittion to our own 150%. He was dead within a month after she joined.
His son, the 0 year old, was a pretty easy kill as most children are. Youre established, you have enough money to bribe people, he cant stop it.
Inheriting the high chiefdom with no direct vassals save the temple priests, I began by eatting up mainland Finland. With their power I had the definitive advantage I needed to constantly press into my fellow Lithuanians, uniting the country and forming my Kingdom. Which ironically was formed using the plot instead of the proper channels. Oops, I created the Kingdom of Samogitia instead of Lithuania.
With this power and a wife, I have 2 hiers now. The year is 800, my infirm King pisskop is perhaps in his golden years, tutoring the next generation of spies. I have a severe shortage of non-craven warriors because the game RNGed all my good nobles into cowards, and the best part of my local story is what happened to High Chief Penikis’ Nieces.
Because of how the game works, and because I didn’t get caught, I took he surviving family of Penikis into my own. 3 women, 2 children and the widower. I raised the best niece under my direct tutlidge, and made her my concubine.
So, to recap. I killed her grandfather with incompetent plotting. I murdered her father after slandering him, agreeing to not kill him to his face multiple times, and outing his love affairs, and then I paid a woman to smother her brother. Then I took her, made her a adept spy, and made her a mere mistress to my dark desires. Im a gluttonous, cruel impaler who is a great spy and is patient and publicly charitable. Im a coward craven who is scarred and infirm in his old age. Im known as ‘King pisskop the Cruel’ and have 2 sons and a daughter. The 1st son is to my first wife who died of illness shortly after childbirth and my 2nd is born to the concubine, who also bore the daughter.
My inheritence isnt getting screwy, as I have land I set aside for the second son. He gets a duchy in what was mainland finland. Although he’s taking a temple with him, one of the primary means of money to a barbarian tribal.
^^This is a faction map of the world.
Finland, owned by the mustard-brown colored guy, is right north of me, the light red. Poland is below me, and ate up pomerenia. If I can subjegate them with my gen1 character I can form the Empire.
I havent been keeping great eyes on the game outside of my little corner, mostly because Im not doing an LP, I did notice some things.
The Spanish arabs lost their empire title, and as a result they are immensely weakened. You can see the chiristain kingdom in the corner there has actually grown. This beats the last game where the spanish caliph converted to christianity :v
The Middle Eastern Empire is struggling with a huge decadence problem, with that caliph seeing 75% decadence. Thats -57% troops moral and -10% income. Ridiculous. He just lost a rebellion in Egypt, where you see the lighter green.
Byzantine, the purples, Im angry with of late. They dont swing their might around in offense, and as a result dont ever really grow. They mostly stagnant and compete with the pope for most money banked. As you can see they have plenty of rebellions and significant chipping from the Geogian side.
Saxony, the northernmost part of the Blue Blob of France, used to be a viking state, and I was quite impressed with them until the Not-Quite HRE took them down. Ive noticed the ai doesnt do a good job of making the Empire, instead typically sticking with Francia. He holds six kingdom titles instead of making the empire and delegating.
Khazaria, the amorphous yellow blob, is as always looking like a usful ally through marriage, but all too often they dont pan out and they sputter around the time of the Khans. Who have also sputtered out as of late. Where is tha aggression They say th January update will fix that some. Which is good, because Empire ais are too passive.
Poland remains my most immediate threat, being comparable in size and troop power to me. Ruthenia to the south is shared by 2 factions that are slightly weaker than I am, because their rulers hold all the titles within them. To the north and east Little Russia is struggling to get off the ground, and I may end up attacking them if their alliances sour, or if one attacks the other in an attempt to unify the land. Finland up north remains a bit of a joke, Finland having the weakest lands in the game. You know, because of the cold and the nothing? :o
Overall this isn’t my best run, but for 31 years its far from the worst too. went from a force of 300 troops to 2.5k plus tribal allies of 1.5-2k troops and I reserve the right to call in 2500 other troops from events. Ive been spending my prestige on my planned main holdings and Ive dumped in 4.5k prestige thus far, and gone through 600 tons of gold on markets. Like any good barbarian would do. I need all the gold I can get as soon as I can get it.