# The Battalion of Not Particularly Clever allies

**URL:** <https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669>\
**Category:** The Bunker\
**Created:** [August 12, 2013, 3:12am UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669 "2013-08-12T03:12:51Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 1

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![detahramet](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/discourse.cataclysmdda.org/detahramet/32/58_2.png) [@detahramet](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/detahramet)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 3:12am UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/1 "2013-08-12T03:12:51Z")

</div>

Also known as NPCs

Anywho, I have decided to create a character that is COMPLETELY fucking worthless at everything except Speech, Survival, and Cooking. This is to the end of having a legion of NPCs following me around and protecting me whilst i dick around. Static and Random NPCs are on.

Any suggestions as what to do with this army?  
Short of a massive post-apocalyptic orgy.  
I can’t do that until Viagra is added to the game.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![KA101](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/278dde/32.png) [@KA101](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/KA101)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 3:16am UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/2 "2013-08-12T03:16:11Z")

</div>

Why would you need Viagara? The key to prolonged orgies is to pace yourselves–brain is the primary erogenous zone and all that.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![detahramet](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/discourse.cataclysmdda.org/detahramet/32/58_2.png) [@detahramet](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/detahramet)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 3:18am UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/3 "2013-08-12T03:18:32Z")

</div>

Anyways, do you have any suggestions as to what do with the horde?

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![drake1storm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/54ee81/32.png) [@drake1storm](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/drake1storm)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 3:19am UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/4 "2013-08-12T03:19:36Z")

</div>

Clump them together and then run them over with a semi.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Inquisitor\_Dust](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/discourse.cataclysmdda.org/inquisitor_dust/32/119_2.png) [@Inquisitor\_Dust](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/Inquisitor_Dust)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 3:22am UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/5 "2013-08-12T03:22:27Z")

</div>

Equip them with copious amounts of artifacts for maximum !!FUN!!, if you can get them to pick them up. Or bring them to a science lab, also for !!FUN!!.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Protester](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/discourse.cataclysmdda.org/protester/32/39_2.png) [@Protester](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/Protester)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 3:40am UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/6 "2013-08-12T03:40:13Z")

</div>

go find a mine, get massed, then charge the dangerous dark ahead. +1 if you tape it somehow.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![detahramet](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/discourse.cataclysmdda.org/detahramet/32/58_2.png) [@detahramet](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/detahramet)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 4:18am UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/7 "2013-08-12T04:18:43Z")

</div>

Ok, so far i have convinced 3 random people to join me in my quest of stupidity. We also found a working electric car with solar panels. I, of course, am going to name it something. Any suggestions? Im thinking “The Whirling Derpface”

EDIT:  
…nevermind. I already managed to destroy it less than a few seconds. Suggestions are still open though.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![drake1storm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/54ee81/32.png) [@drake1storm](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/drake1storm)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 4:26am UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/8 "2013-08-12T04:26:48Z")

</div>

“Friend Shield Goes Here”

Goddamn it guys. Loneliness drove me to Otaku-ness…

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Protester](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/discourse.cataclysmdda.org/protester/32/39_2.png) [@Protester](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/Protester)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 5:41am UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/9 "2013-08-12T05:41:44Z")

</div>

yur gonna need a bigger boat. also try not to drive near bad things because characters have beaten me because there was a zombie on my side of the car. idk if that has been fixed, but if you want your skull in one piece i recommend a car with the driver seat far from the passenger ones.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Pthalocy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/22d042/32.png) [@Pthalocy](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/Pthalocy)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 5:45am UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/10 "2013-08-12T05:45:24Z")

</div>

I want a let’s play of this if the shenanigans take a turn for the hilarious.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Isidarth](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/discourse.cataclysmdda.org/isidarth/32/106_2.png) [@Isidarth](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/Isidarth)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 7:15am UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/11 "2013-08-12T07:15:17Z")

</div>

Take on a swamp. The last NPC standing wins the honor of being your champion in battle.

Alternatively, take on a fungal spire after convincing your horde to wade through the remains of a molotov.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![woflsipder](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/discourse.cataclysmdda.org/woflsipder/32/90_2.png) [@woflsipder](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/woflsipder)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 10:18am UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/12 "2013-08-12T10:18:16Z")

</div>

Turn dynamic spawn on for zombies to represent never ending armies of evil.  
Arm your peasants with tools and medieval weapons.  
Name your car the highlander and generate a new character called Braveheart to lead your armies.

And don’t forget , there can be only one.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![AerialK7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@AerialK7](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/AerialK7)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 10:22am UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/13 "2013-08-12T10:22:21Z")

</div>

Oh god, this has convinced me to play cataclysm again tomorrow\<3\<3\<3

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Sheb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@Sheb](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/Sheb)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 10:36am UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/14 "2013-08-12T10:36:23Z")

</div>

Been wanting to find a school bus and do this for a while. BTW, NPCs are happy to sit on a box or a trunk it it allow them to get closer to you (They’ll sit on the box in a flatbed truck for instance). This mean that they tend to fly through the windshield as soon as your use the handbrake.

Yes, I know you’re tinking of an NPC Shotgun too.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![HeadWar](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/discourse.cataclysmdda.org/headwar/32/2685_2.png) [@HeadWar](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/HeadWar)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 10:46am UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/15 "2013-08-12T10:46:41Z")

</div>

[quote=“Sheb, post:14, topic:2669”]Been wanting to find a school bus and do this for a while. BTW, NPCs are happy to sit on a box or a trunk it it allow them to get closer to you (They’ll sit on the box in a flatbed truck for instance). This mean that they tend to fly through the windshield as soon as your use the handbrake.

Yes, I know you’re tinking of an NPC Shotgun too.[/quote]  
I call shotgun!

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![MarkB](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/discourse.cataclysmdda.org/markb/32/152_2.png) [@MarkB](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/MarkB)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 1:26pm UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/16 "2013-08-12T13:26:32Z")

</div>

Use a customised motorbike for yourself and your companions, and just keep making it longer and longer by adding more seats as you acquire more allies, while leaving it just 1 square wide.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![woflsipder](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/discourse.cataclysmdda.org/woflsipder/32/90_2.png) [@woflsipder](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/woflsipder)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 1:34pm UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/17 "2013-08-12T13:34:06Z")

</div>

> [@MarkB](#):
>
> Use a customised motorbike for yourself and your companions, and just keep making it longer and longer by adding more seats as you acquire more allies, while leaving it just 1 square wide.

I second the idea. We must have NPC’s able to drive cars , just imagine the possibilities - Biker gang with everyone having their own personal unique leather vest and pants , Bycycle gang with schizophrenic shower victims , Segaway gang where everyone has a katana and blades strapped to their segaway wheels.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Iosyn](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/discourse.cataclysmdda.org/iosyn/32/35_2.png) [@Iosyn](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/Iosyn)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 6:42pm UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/18 "2013-08-12T18:42:46Z")

</div>

[quote=“detahramet, post:1, topic:2669”]Also known as NPCs

Anywho, I have decided to create a character that is COMPLETELY fucking worthless at everything except Speech, Survival, and Cooking. This is to the end of having a legion of NPCs following me around and protecting me whilst i dick around. Static and Random NPCs are on.

Any suggestions as what to do with this army?  
Short of a massive post-apocalyptic orgy.  
I can’t do that until Viagra is added to the game.[/quote]

Nah, sounds fun. I can even see such characters as useful once NPC settlements and such are fleshed out a bit more, e.g settlement cook.

Idea: Mutated NPCs. Small mutations pass unnoticed, heavy mutations? Outcasts to some factions. Maybe a faction or a few settlements for the mutated guys that have run from the other factions.

Mmm… tentacle grape.

Also: Lifecycle of a speech/survival/cooking NPC:

Before the cataclysm, he foraged for veggies made soup, but he had to run a soup kitchen for hobos because of no worthwhile barter skills.  
Stuck in a deadend job with no money, he adds secret spices (equal measure spit and whiskey) to the soup to extend the period of cold turkey recovering alcoholic hobos suffer from. Eventually, not merely content with escalating the suffering of those in need, he quit, pouring the soup down the drain in a fit of pique. This curious mixture then entered the sewage system, and eventually found its way to a sewage treatment plant where it was genetically altered by the horrific amount of carcinogens and generally crap humans pour down the drain.  
Thus, he is the cause, the origin of this… Cataclysm.

He is the final boss. All the suffering in the world shall be his doing.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![woofinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c67d28/32.png) [@woofinator](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/woofinator)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 7:11pm UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/19 "2013-08-12T19:11:17Z")

</div>

In all seriousness, one of the most badass things that could ever happen in a zombie apocalypse would be to see a 10 person bicycle filled to capacity with all members pedaling as fast as they can through a zombie infested town.

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![detahramet](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/discourse.cataclysmdda.org/detahramet/32/58_2.png) [@detahramet](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/u/detahramet)\
**Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 8:22pm UTC](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669/20 "2013-08-12T20:22:00Z")

</div>

Because there i suck at this game, i should probably point out that i am playing classic zombies + zombie revive + static spawn. Just specifying.

Edit:  
On the upside, i found a new car. In a new world. After my first guy died.  
Any more name suggestions?  
So far the potential names for the new car?  
So far we have:  
The Whirling Derpface  
and  
Apply Friendshield Here

[Next page](https://discourse.cataclysmdda.org/t/the-battalion-of-not-particularly-clever-allies/2669.md?page=2)