Murphy's Laws of the Cataclysm

[Taraq]

38. Yes, that mutagen will give you disintegration.

1, if you ever post again you’re gonna ruin the beautiful sanctity of that “1. Posts: 1.”

51. If you ran it over, it was exactly what you needed.

[Azrad]

52. That lone shrub or young tree will always find a way to bypass military composite plating and smash your floodlight.

53. Driving in an open field will make you not notice the mine field signs and the mines will destroy your tires.

54. You either forget to turn on the dielectric capacitance system and get electrocution by a shocker, either by hitting it by accident, it hitting you, or getting hit by the projectile lightning, or you forget to turn it off draining your bionic energy.
    54a. In general, you will always forget to turn off that one energy draining bionic.
    54b. You forget to turn off internal furnace, and you end up eating your gun/your clothes/some other important item in your inventory.

55. Sneaking around in town? Surprise! Police lights flash on revealing your location to everything.

[GraveAccent]

56. The one time you find a perfectly functioning solar powered car, you forget how to drive and crash it into a house.

[Steelmaniac]

57. If you step on a mine and break your legs, there will be a hulk right behind the wall’s corner, waiting for you.

[Litppunk]

58. Decide to become save scummer and turn on autosave? Autosave always saves JUST after game glitches you/you become in a near impossible to escape situation that requires ALL the effort to get through. Impossible situation that only LOOKED like it would be possible but difficult.
    58a. Yes. Yes the game chose to save the turn you ended up a story plus up from going the wrong way on the stairs. Congrats you are falling to your death.
    58b. Turn off autosave save scumming because it never helps and decide to manual savescumm instead? Always forget to save.

59. Spend lots of time building rediculous OP starting character for quick start? Hulk at front door/ tankdrone etc… Oh, and you forgot to make a template after changing all the settings so making the character was even possible.

[BeerBeer]

60. Want rain? Start a campfire. The rain will follow soon after. Let’s face it: You’ll never get any cooking done.
61. A bridge is not complete if it doesn’t have roadblocks on both ends, or if there isn’t a wrecked truck blocking the bridge. Let’s face it: You’re not crossing anything here.
62. You stop coming across shocker zombies for a period of time once you have installed the protective Dielectric CBM. Let’s face it: You’ll never get to feel the satisfaction of being immune to electricity.
63. You remember you forgot to try something neat a few towns ago but now you’re half a map away and seriously can’t be arsed to drive all the way back. Thou shalt groan at least once a minute for 5 minutes. Let’s face it: You’ll forget it again in the next game.
64. Finding a new pair of awesome boots forebodes the coming of a spitter zombie. Let’s face it: You just love to fight spitter zombies, your hatred for them is just an act.
    64b. Only when your new footwear has been ruined by acid will you realize that you are not skilled enough to maintain and repair the boots. Of course at this point your old boots are in the previous town. Let’s face it: You see a long roadtrip in your near future, to retrieve something you arrogantly abandoned.
    64c. If you store something in case you’ll need it, you’re never going to need it. Let’s face it: You can’t afford to NOT store it. Your sense of dread won’t let you.
65. Every time you run into Power Armor for the first time in a game, you will be instantly elated, but then you remember that you still need the helmet, the hauling frame and a proper power supply, and so everything’s actually ruined now. Let’s face it: Finding Power Armor sucks.
66. Decide to grind a skill to the next level. Find the right skill book 5 minutes afterwards. Let’s face it: You would’ve grinded anyway even if you had known the book was in the next building.
67. When you witness the autumn change into winter, that’s when you get the burning desire to go foraging for a ton of fresh harvest in the woods. Let’s face it: You subconsciously love misery.
    67b. Winter, day 3: You can now craft the mutagens you’ve wanted so badly but you need some eggs for it. Of course you could’ve foraged the eggs way earlier but would they have stayed usable through the summer? Let’s face it: You’ll never get to cook up those mutagens.
68. A carefully chosen driving route through the city will be challenged by multiple wreckages blocking the street. Let’s face it: You sure wish you were back at that bridge now, with the roadblocks and only a single wrecked truck blocking your way.

[evilexecutive]

69. Yea, you know that vibrator you had for morale emergencies? It’s now missing, you’re dehydrated, and your morale is too low to boil water. Have fun shitting out your intestines.
70. The larger your deathmobile, the more likely it is to get stuck in a building, car, minefield, or a river.
71. You will always fumble with the controls during critical moments of wiggling said deathmobile through a tight space at 90 miles an hour.
72. Inside of the gunstore is rack after rack of precious ammunition, and of the kind you want! There’s a tank drone sitting cozy right outside the door.

[Steelmaniac]

73. Want a certain gun? You’ll only find Rivtech.
74. If you see a small city with a gun shop, a garage, a pawn shop, a grocery store and a gas station, there’s a roadblock and two turrets right in the middle, covering the access to everything.
75. Loaded down on loot in that hospital? Have a Hulk!

[Stekcs]

75. Loaded down on loot in that hospital? Have a Hulk!

76. Finally strong enough that you can square off against hulks without any pre-preparation? Well, don’t worry; Hulks will always have an entourage of corrosives, to add some flavor. You can handle hulks at 200 pain, right?

[bostltch]

77. If you start with a missed character with wander spawns turned on, yes you will be surrounded by a massive horde.
78. No that turret isn’t out of ammo even though it’s not shooting that zombie, it’s just saving it just for you, how nice!

[DarkandStar]

79.) If one is unsure of whether or not they have been spotted, they have.

80.) If one runs from a lone Zombie, they will mistakenly run into a very large horde.

[Nodus]

81. If you find an RV, it will be missing every single tire.

[DarkandStar]

82.) Even if there are numerous other entrances, the NPE will path through the nearest unbroken window.

[Litppunk]

82a. Want to leave everything closed up so passing NPC’s don’t steal, wild animal don’t wander in etc??? Npc opens window AND curtain so you have to go back and close it.

83. Said “ah fuck it, That won’t happen this time.” It does.

84. Said “better be safe can’t have bad things happen.” Nothing happens. -storage space, time, other valuable potential.

85. Remember that ____ you passed by in favor of exploring ____ ? It had all the good loot and almost nothing to challenge you for it.

86. That promising looking place you went instead? Zombie horde, wandering NPC making noise to draw them to you, and sudden NPC behind you that wants to chase you half way around the world so he can talk to you and tell you this his his terf, make you drop weapon/shoot you in back while you are busy with horde in front.

87. That bland plot of clearing/forest you run by every day but never step into/near? It has a airdrop of crates filled to the brim with everything you ever wanted. To bad it was to “empty” for you to investigate though.

[Arek_PL]

88. want to get natural artifact? they are scattered around your base and you do not know about it and you search for anomalies on other end of world

[Azrad]

89. I’ve been quicksaving manually and the game hasn’t crashed yet, so I think it’ll be all right to not save right now. Then the game crashes after a decent amount of progress and you haven’t quicksaved since the last time.

[Etherdreamer]

90. You are crafting a bandage with some meds you find in a house, you got injured in that fight to enter there. You hear a wump in the other side of the wall right next to you. You ignore it and continue crafting. Wall crumbles, a brute zed just punch a hole in the wall, he fist, you goes propelled hitting a wall and smashing the wall, continues flying and hit other wall.

Your body turns into pulp.

[Codeslamer]

91. That NPC you see with a makeshift flamethrower? They will attack as soon as you enter a flammable building and hit a dead-end.

[Azrad]

92. Gun stores will almost always be wrecks that’s still swarming with zombies.

[DeWolf]

93. If you want missile toe you’ll get it, literally… to your face.

Christmas Law