Chicken wine

system · 2014-01-13T01:45:08.000Z

russian jokes
I prefer jew, gypsy and nazi jokes since I am half-jewish half-gypsy half-german.

FunsizeNinja123 · 2014-01-13T01:46:28.000Z

Makes it better.

system · 2014-01-13T02:24:44.000Z

[quote=“trusty_patches, post:35, topic:4740”]> russian jokes
I prefer jew, gypsy and nazi jokes since I am half-jewish half-gypsy half-german.[/quote]

So a man rides his horse to the drugstore on his horse. He leaves it outside and goes inside the drugstore. He puts a bottle of horse pills on the counter. “These are for my wife.” the man says. The clerk says “You mean you married your horse?!” and he points to the horse outside. The man responds: “A horse? How dare you! I’ll have you know that is my mother in law out there!”

system · 2014-01-13T12:24:58.000Z

I actually expected a joke about the RV, dogs, huge diamond, boxing, being unkillable bastard and having gitlerjugend haircut.

But that’ll do.

Datanazush · 2014-01-13T17:41:58.000Z

[quote=“trusty_patches, post:35, topic:4740”]> russian jokes
I prefer jew, gypsy and nazi jokes since I am half-jewish half-gypsy half-german.[/quote]

So if you’re some form of multi-ethnic German, why are you in Russia? Couldn’t resist your people’s rich history of trying to invade the place?

system · 2014-01-13T17:47:52.000Z

I’m basically standard Soviet gene mixup since most of my realtives are russians/ex-ussr’s, so being in Russia is slightly more logical for me than being in Germany.

Bonevomit · 2014-01-13T23:11:34.000Z

I remember one time in some kind of automotive class me and my friends were just wasting time like usual and I was exploring some weird smell.

So I looked around and found the source was coming from this window washer tank thing.
I opened it up and found an old snickers bar inside from a long time ago. It smelled really bad like mold or a fungus and was melted but I had an idea. I got a stick and put it in there and moved it around to get a bunch of stuff on it. Then I walked around the class and told people to smell the stick. I don’t remember if anyone had the balls to actually smell the stick, but I remember taking it to one of my friends who was lounging in a dismantled truck. I guess he didn’t see me coming and he freaked out and swatted it away. I wasn’t prepared for this and the stick flew right into my face.

Natures_Witness · 2014-01-15T20:51:19.000Z

It’s not as impressive as some of these stories, but when I was a kid I got a make-your-own soda kit for Christmas. Mixed up 2-liter bottle of birch soda, added yeast, and tucked it into a kitchen cabinet to age. Month or so later, I’m upstairs in my room when I hear a MASSIVE explosion; thought somebody had blown the door off the house with dynamite. Went downstairs, there’s soda and shards of glass everywhere, and the wood paneling’s been blown off the cabinet.

Too much yeast I guess. The surviving soda also tasted terrible.

FunsizeNinja123 · 2014-01-15T20:58:44.000Z

Natures Witness:

The surviving soda also tasted terrible.

WHY DID YOU DRINK THE SURVIVING BITS

Natures_Witness · 2014-01-15T22:25:20.000Z

There was a second bottle of soda that didn’t explode, forgot to mention we made two.

Kazymir · 2014-01-16T00:29:14.000Z

Natures Witness:

There was a second bottle of soda that didn’t explode, forgot to mention we made two.

I’m actually a little disappointed now.

system · 2014-01-16T02:11:49.000Z

Kazymir:

[quote=“Natures Witness, post:44, topic:4740”]There was a second bottle of soda that didn’t explode, forgot to mention we made two.

I’m actually a little disappointed now.[/quote]

Me too.

kilozombie · 2014-01-16T02:48:15.000Z

gtaguy:

[quote=“Kazymir, post:45, topic:4740”][quote=“Natures Witness, post:44, topic:4740”]There was a second bottle of soda that didn’t explode, forgot to mention we made two.

I’m actually a little disappointed now.[/quote]

Me too.[/quote]

Agreed. I had this mental image of Natures crawling around the kitchen licking at the tiny drops of soda on the ground.

I’ve been on this thread too long. :X

Natures_Witness · 2014-01-16T03:33:35.000Z

Licking it up would NOT have been a good idea; there were tiny shards of glass everywhere (there was a glass jar of tomatoes in the cabinet too, got blown to smithereens). Besides, a lot of it was on the ceiling, too high to reach. Now cleaning THAT was a pain.

system · 2014-01-16T03:55:03.000Z

That’s why you have a pressure cooker emergency release valve soldered onto the fermenting tank. To release excess pressure so it doesn’t explode. Probably didn’t ferment well became of the high CO2 content already inside and the cool tempature. Things ferment better at high tempatures.

Natures_Witness · 2014-01-16T04:07:29.000Z

Yeah it was just in a regular 2-liter soda bottle. I don’t think it was supposed to ferment actually, the yeast was just to add a little carbonation to it.

Pthalocy · 2014-01-16T08:07:21.000Z

Oh man, I remember the time we found mother in the vinegar.

…not my mom, it’s a thing. I don’t know why it’s called this.

It’s a big slimy snotloogie of little organisms that sits in your whateverdrink, consumes it’s deliciousness, and basically shits out vinegar. These boogery buggers turn your wine nasty (but hey, goes great on french fries). The funny thing was, this was supposed to be vinegar that had been pasteurized so as not to …y’know. Have stuff living in it.

We thought it was gross and chucked it but in hindsight you could blop this into a bottle of applejuice and it’ll just make you apple vinegar for free. Nasty? Yes. Effective? Also yes. …but why the hell was there living vinegar-makers in my SHOULD BE VERY NOT-ALIVE VINEGAR.

Maybe they were some kind of heat-resistant ‘mother’ and now they’re in our drains making poop vinegar. WHO KNOWS.

3am posting, don’t do it.

wad67 · 2014-01-16T08:18:41.000Z

In Australia, I think we had some fool attempt to brew some kind of alcohol using pure sugar and Vegemite as culture.
I think he either died or got rather ill.

We should add a whole new brewing system to the game, where you can use random things as bases and culture.
You see here: "Whiskey"
Ingredients: Cocaine Base, Cocaine Culture.

Cherry · 2014-01-16T15:22:04.000Z

When I was 10 years old, I used to eat lots of ramen quick ramen noodles in the plastic bags.
My grandpa used to make them all the time for me and I thought he was a badass chef.
I remember for about 4 months, something was wrong with the soups.
The store we bought them from apparently had ants crawling all over these dry soup bags.
I always saw them and questioned them, but my grandpa said it was just pepper or spice (even though the spice was unopened in its little package), and I kept on eating them.

I fucking hate my life.

Datanazush · 2014-01-16T15:30:16.000Z

[quote=“wad67, post:52, topic:4740”]In Australia, I think we had some fool attempt to brew some kind of alcohol using pure sugar and Vegemite as culture.
I think he either died or got rather ill.

We should add a whole new brewing system to the game, where you can use random things as bases and culture.
You see here: "Whiskey"
Ingredients: Cocaine Base, Cocaine Culture.[/quote]

Ribena concentrate and Vegemite seems to be the thing in Queensland, although some shitholes in WA use Vegemite and just about anything. Generally speaking, don’t drink anything like that, you probably won’t die, but you definitely will want to.

On a side note, since I apparently missed Inside Jokes 101, what’s with the “Whiskey of Cocaine” deal?